On the last evening Sasha said: — Mom, sleep next to me tonight. — Of course, dear! I listened to her hoarse breathing next to me, and tears poured from my eyes. We both knew she wouldn’t be with us soon. But they couldn’t believe it. — Let me go, Mom. I’m tired! Sasha said suddenly. — What are you talking about, dear? The doctors claimed another operation. Later. — I don’t need another operation. I’m very tired. We were silent…
Elena lived next to us. In a family of drunks. They were noisy, used to knock on our door at night, wake Sasha up. Alexandra was diagnosed at the age of 8. From that day on, we practically lived in hospitals. And when we were resting at home from treatment, Lena was with us regularly, which just annoyed me. But I endured it in silence so that Sashenka would feel good. When Sasha was asleep, Lena came to my kitchen. — Let me help you, Aunt Sveta. At the same time, her eyes expressed such hunger, as if she had returned from a concentration camp and I was starting to put everything on the table that was in the refrigerator.
And I reproached myself for not thinking of feeding her earlier. The day came when the doctors hinted that it was better for her to stay at home with her family. On the last evening Sasha said: — Mom, sleep next to me tonight. — Of course, dear! I listened to her hoarse breathing next to me, and tears poured from my eyes. We both knew she wouldn’t be with us soon. But they couldn’t believe it. — Let me go, Mom. I’m tired! Sasha said suddenly. — What are you talking about, dear? The doctors claimed another operation. Later. — I don’t need another operation. I’m very tired. We were silent. — Mom, why don’t you love Lena? She’s good! My best friend. My little sister. — What are you, what are you, Sashenka? Who told you that I don’t love her? — I think so. She’s cute.
Tell Lena that I will deliver her request. Then Sasha fell asleep. She left silently, in a dream. No screams, no agony. In the morning I didn’t cry anymore. The tears all flowed out at night. Lena came, as always, from school. I noticed a mirror covered with a sheet and started crying. She was crying, leaning her head on the door frame. — Okay, I’ll go. Sorry… she sobbed. — Wait a minute. Come in. I led her into the kitchen. I made sandwiches and tea with slow hands. «She said she’d do what you asked.» What’s the matter? Dasha sighed and covered her mouth with her palm. — Don’t be silent. — I’m ashamed! I can not.
However, I was persistent And Elena told me that when she and my daughter talked about how Alexandra would end up in God’s Kingdom and ask God to give Elena other parents. A month later, the guardianship commission took Elena away. She wasn’t crying. Kolya, who saw the whole procedure, said: «they didn’t care. They take it, and it’s good. Maybe we’ll take her, huh? We will formalize guardianship. Good girl. I couldn’t believe my ears. What does he say? Take Lena? — Think about it. That’s how Sasha would like it. Think about it! I’ve been thinking about it.
Kolya is right, I knew it. However, how can I love this child? After all, she constantly annoyed me. She was a terrible mother. But to have a mother who doesn’t love her? I’ve been thinking for a long time… I wasn’t allowed to be a mother. I was afraid to give birth to others… — I agree. — I told my husband about it at lunch the next day. A few months later we sold the apartment and bought another one, away from our old place of residence. Further from the Ivanovs. We managed to become Elena’s guardians. Kolya said he hopes to adopt her in the future. And six months later, it suddenly turned out that I was pregnant. Lena for some reason did not stop jumping.
— Hurrah! Alive! Alive! I think that’s when I genuinely smiled at her. For the first time. — What are you happy about? Do you think that a child is fun? — So! Of course, it’s fun, Aunt Sveta! Fun and cool! Lenka has already turned eleven, she tried to help me. This fact slowly melted the ice on my heart. A healthy baby was born. We brought him home, put him in the crib and climbed into the kitchen. Lena ran into the room and screamed. I rushed there. — Smiling! Mommy, look, he’s smiling!
