My soul is sick, my heart aches, my thoughts do not give me peace — I want a little girl of 2-3 years, bows, ruffles, skirts, gentle hugs, a ringing voice, clingy hands and I want to give my mother’s love in full.
Why the reception room? A little about yourself:we have lived with my husband for 18 years of military life, we have two children, the birth was difficult with the first and the son became visually impaired, although now the laws have changed and the disability was removed, and I gave birth to the second after 9 years at my own risk, because doctors did not advise doing this because of my health, but God was merciful and everything turned out well, though through a caesarean, but this time I was completely sewn up.
Time has passed, the children have grown up, the eldest is 16, the youngest is 6 years old. As long as I can remember, I always wanted a daughter and the dream did not leave me, but I only flew somewhere far away and it seemed that it would never come true.
It may come true for someone else, but not for me, because I don’t have enough spirit for all this (I’m always crying when I talk about this topic, I shake and sweat, and in general, I’m weak by nature, but I don’t like to lose), then to collect documents, explain custody: for what am I still a child, with this kind of life? That there aren’t enough of your own? They are all abnormal, because normal parents do not leave and have already asked a lot of things. Let’s look at you, let’s look at these, where did you come from? And it’s already gone and gone.
I don’t know how I convinced my husband, he just went on «autopilot», I found myself in my custody. The first thing they said was: «There are no children.We have a queue.» My indignation: «What’s the queue? Where is she? Show the extreme, I will take a place and will not leave until I get a child!» The husband somehow took a list of documents, and we ran to collect signatures. At home, they connected the Internet and immediately started searching, «Abandoned children» (how terribly it hurts the ears).
I opened everything related to this, read, roared and made a request again. Accidentally opened the newspaper «Ow, parents!». Through her I got to the conference «Foster children», read everything. Once in my atmosphere, I was gaining speed, there was no limit to patience, I opened the photo and looked at the children with horror and pain, but for some reason all strangers. I didn’t even imagine what a girl should be, I was just looking for «mine» with greed and with some kind of maniacal. I opened the link «Radio»: a photo of a cute girl, written by DR. No. 7. I called, they’ve already taken it.
I think, «someone got such a beauty, maybe I can look there.» I open it, but the site is not available, they called the doctor, said «under reconstruction», decided to wait. I’m sitting at home alone, my husband is at work. In the morning, running to the computer early, I turn on, the long-awaited website «Specialized DR No. 7 for orphans and children left without parental care, born of HIV-infected mothers» opens.
First of all, I opened to read all the information from the chief doctor, then the stories of the parents who took the children, I remembered that girl from the photo who was recently taken away and decided, since they take the children from Dr. No. 7, it means it’s not as scary as it seems. And so I opened a photo of the kids, reached the fourth group, I look at it in turn, the photos are tiny, I zoom in and then: FREEZE FRAME!!! THE FULL-SCREEN FACE OF MY YOUNGEST SON, A ONE-TO-ONE COPY, only a timid look, a girl, white, completely bald, unhappy-looking and nobody’s, I realized MINE in an instant!
I read: an inconclusive HIV test. At that moment, I didn’t even want to think about it, and I ran to her as fast as I could, after her, and there, as GOD willing. My mom came to visit, I drag her into the room, open the photo on the computer. She looks carefully and says, «She looks like Lenya.» My husband came home with the same reaction as me. The children immediately decided that she looked like her sister. We discussed this topic with them and made plans. The next day someone gives a link to the conference, to my girl, that’s where I had a tantrum with Corvalol.
I thought I’d go to the «face of the ladies», to publicize my child to the whole world. I now understand that PR is being done with the best intentions, but then it’s like «salt on the wound» for me. Now I call this «Someone» and share my successes in education, and at first I received huge support from «her», «she» was like a «straw for a drowning person» for me, like air. The documents are almost ready, 2-3 days left, and my husband and I decided to go to Sokolniki Guardianship, declare ourselves. We were very politely and well received, but they said «Come with a conclusion».
We pulled our custody and here in the hands of the cherished document. In the morning we were already going to Sokolniki for the direction, I wanted to see the baby more quickly, but at the same time there was a fear, will I cope? Do I need to change my established life? Where did these thoughts come from? I don’t know, I was probably a coward. With the direction we went to the DR, arrived at the sleepiest hour, heads.the doctor was not there, but we were accepted and taken to a group of children. My heart was pounding wildly from what was coming. I tried to control myself. The teacher, polite, full of calmness, said: «Wait, she has already woken up, we will take it out now.»
They took it out, putting on a dress on the go. Oh my God! This is a tiny girl (1 g 4 months), transparent from white skin, completely bald as a knee, with blue eyes for 5 kopecks, with the look of a defenseless animal. Immediately struck me to the ground, with my accumulated feelings of love for her, already in the photo, I restrained myself in emotions (you can’t burst into tears). I took her in my arms and began to talk, but there was no sound from her, she looked at me without breathing. Her husband tried to talk to her, but there was no reaction. She just turned her eyes, then at him, then at me, and so for more than an hour, as if she was not alive. I flew out of the DR as if on wings. My husband and I realized that we needed her.
The next day, the head doctor of the children’s home told us about her bio: a drug addict with experience, HIV infection, hepatitis C, syphilis. The hair «stood on end» from his words, everything did not fit in my head. Of course, the child was diagnosed as incomplete. HIV test, i.e. antibodies from the mother, antibodies to hepatitis C, SRR. My husband and I did not change our decisions, we wanted to take our daughter home as soon as possible. The next day I took my mother with me, because my grandmother also wanted to see and get to know, accept and love as soon as possible. They brought out my daughter dressed for a walk in overalls. I turned abruptly with her to my grandmother. When my grandmother saw the child, she screamed «So, it’s little Lenya!» and cried, took her from me and happily went outside.
Every day for two weeks we went to my daughter, walked and played with her. Meanwhile, they were buying beautiful things. The happy day we have been waiting for has come. Now you could safely put on all your own and go out the gate. We jumped, laughed, waved our hands and ran to the warmth of home, to the brothers. We did tests in a special center. After a year and a half, the antibodies are all gone, the child is absolutely healthy. We forgot about the speech delay, because we read fairy tales diligently, sang songs and now the vocabulary is not inferior to a 7-year-old brother.
A year has passed, here is our STORK day. Thank you to the conference for the fact that it exists, for giving happiness to people, thank you for my SUNNY laughter, smart beyond her years and kind little girl.
All you need from parents is: to want a child, to love him, to endure difficulties and try to educate, and the results are on the «face». We wish parents not to rush past their happiness.
